i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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