i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
