I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
