he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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