im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
