haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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