I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
