She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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