Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
