Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
