i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
