Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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