You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
