Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
