I'm so fucking centered right now
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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