Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
