They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
