Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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