Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
