I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
