is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
