my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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