Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
