My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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