Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
