Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
