Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
