I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
