"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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