i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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