i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
