hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
