garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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