If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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