I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
