I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
