Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
