I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
