forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
