i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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