I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
