Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Only a mothe r could love this liver
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
