I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
