There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i was born a porn star she said
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
