i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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