Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
