ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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