I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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