Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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