I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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