I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
