Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
