found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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