And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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