Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
