Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
